Author's own pumpkin carving effort. |
My History Girls slot is pretty darn close to the 31st October but I’ll spare you the Halloween blog post because the Romans didn’t have Halloween. They did have ghosts and ghost stories and festivals connected to the dead but I am not going to make any tenuous links between anything they believed in and children dressed up as tiny Harry Potters escorted door to door collecting sweets.
The Man
Author's own, heavily index stickered, copy of The Epigrams by Martial. |
Marcus Valerius Martialis was born probably in the late 30’s/maybe 40 CE or it could have been 41 CE and died possibly around 102/103/104 CE depending on what short bio you are reading on him. We certainly know he was alive during the 80s and 90s CE because he makes reference to Emperors Titus and Domitian and events under their reigns like the grand opening of the Colosseum in 80 CE. Yes really, Martial was there.
We also know that he was Spanish by birth, a Roman citizen who moved to the big city at some point in his life and attempted to make it big as a poet. Which he did. And that is about all we know about him. We could try to deduce his personality from his work but how much of that is truth and how much does he dish up to us simply because it makes a good gag? I like to think the latter because Martial as depicted by himself is not always a sympathetic character, in fact he’s often a bit of a git.
Why do I think Martial is brilliant? I’ll fess up and admit that a large part of his appeal is that he writes a form of poetry known as epigrams. An epigram according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary is ‘concise poem dealing pointedly and often satirically with a single thought or event and often ending with an ingenious turn of thought.’
Sssh, don’t tell the Classics lot but I’m not a big fan of epic poetry as written by Homer and Virgil. Epic poetry is well epic, and that means long, very long. Epigrams are much shorter, deliciously so. Some of Martial’s epigrams are only two lines, such as this one:
Which means you can happily digest Martial’s views on a wide variety of topics in the same number of lines that Homer dedicates to listing the ships that made up the Greek forces battling Troy.
So, yes my own lack of attention is a part of why I enjoy reading Martial but there are many other reasons too, such as his versatility as a poet. I have written three non-fiction books on ancient Rome: How to Survive in Ancient Rome which was a general introduction to the city in the year 95 CE, Sex and Sexuality in Ancient Rome an in-depth look at that topic and Ancient Rome’s Worst Emperors. Three very different books to which Martial was a key source for all. Let me explain.
Do as the Romans do.
When ancient Rome is portrayed in film or on TV there is a leaning towards certain topics and these topics generally are soldiers, gladiators and sexually depraved crazed Roman Emperors. None of which I disapprove of, I hardly could when I’ve personally contributed to it through my own books. However, Ancient Rome was brim full of people who weren’t soldiers – so didn’t have to worry about them pesky British tribes, nor gladiators – so no need to worry about an imminent and bloody death and who weren’t emperors – so didn’t live in luxury beyond our wildest imaginations. No, it was full of men like Martial whose concerns in life were let us saw charitably somewhat more trivial.
A great many of Martial’s epigrams are dedicated to dinner parties, such as not getting invited to one:
Then there’s the growing suspicion and paranoia about why he’s not on the party list, is it because he has not reduced himself to bribery?
Or is it because his penis is too small?
When he does secure an invitation he is not at all grateful and whisks off epigrams that are uncannily like the end of Come Dine with Me when that night's host is cruelly critiqued. '
Although to be fair to Martial some of the dinners he attends do sound absolutely dreadful.
As you can tell Martial is delightfully candid and unafraid of causing offensive. This is as true when he tackles the subject of sex.
Martial on Sex
When I was researching my book Sex and Sexuality in Ancient Rome, I would stumble across references to certain Martial epigrams only to track them down and discover that there was no officially published English translation of them. When I finally managed to locate an English version I quickly realised why; because they are pure filth.
Lydia is as wide as the ass of a bronze rider’s horse,
[] Or the old trousers of a British pauper,
Or the foul throat of a Revennian Pelican.
I am reputed to have fucked her in a salty fishpond.
I am not sure: I think I fucked the fishpond
It’s not often you read a poet complaining his girlfriends vagina is too big. But Martial is not done complaining about vaginas, oh no he’s also plagued by noisy ones.
The poem continues with Martial wondering if sodomy with Galla would have been a better option. This does make it surprising that Martial alongside such filth also wrote poems for the Emperor Domitian. Like I said, Martial is versatile.
Poet to An Emperor
The Emperor Domitian ruled from 81-96 CE, 15 whole years which counts as a bloody long reign for a Roman emperor. In the 3rd century the average reign of an emperor was a measly 2.3 years. There’s not a lot you can do as a leader in 2.3 years but there’s plenty you can do in 15 years and Domitian did, including introducing new morality laws which were placed stricter penalties on things like divorce. That Martial should end up as a poet to an emperor who cared deeply about public morals borders on the staggering.
The Emperor Domitian. Claude, Buste Vatican, James Anderson, silver print.. Digital image courtesy of Getty’s Open Content Program |
Parthenius helped out, perhaps buttered up by poems Martial wrote for him, including one for the Chamberlain’s son Burrus on the occasion of his birthday.
Sooooo what type of poetry did Martial, the author of a poem about his girlfriend’s noisy vagina and a friend’s bad hair dye write for the emperor? The answering is exactly what was required of him. Sucking up poetry of the highest order, and my god when Martial does suck up he really gets on board with it.
Domitian's palace on the Palatine. Photo By Scott Rowland |
This is a radically different style of poetry to that which Martial had otherwise produced. There’s no gag at the end, no caustic put down. Martial’s poetry for Domitian has a saccharine punchline..
Come on, it’s impressive. The art of praise, of positivity is something we play down in our society. We think the caustic and the sarcastic the product of a cleverer mind. That Martial can do both, be offensively sardonic and flamboyant praise is testament to his talent.
Talking about talent, could you produce a poem on the niche topic of the Emperor Domitian’s recently introduced anti castration legislation? No? Martial can.
And if you don’t agree with me I leave you with my all time favourite Martial poem which encompasses everything that is brilliant about him: it’s short, to the point, offending and funny.